Emotions.

The oddest thing happened yesterday when I was working out with my trainer. I started crying. I'm not sure exactly why this keeps happening but it does. The more I thought about it I realized that this entire process is the first time in my life that I've dedicated myself wholeheartedly to something that is very challenging. I'll be honest, I've skated through life being pretty good at stuff. School was never a problem, I excelled at sports and the ones I didn't I didn't play, I always figured out how to have the best friends a girl could ask for, jobs seems to appear and I've tended to excel at most of them. Sounds pretty awesome right? Well...this whole, get your ass in shape and lose a lot of weight journey...this shit is hard. It's physically very challenging for both muscular and cardiovascular reasons. It's emotionally very challenging because I'm not the best at it-- in fact, I'm often the slowest or the least skilled. I've gotten through life knowing my strengths, playing to them and not focusing on things that I didn't do well....unfortunately that's not an option here.
When I was talking to Brandy (my awesome trainer) yesterday I told her my goal isn't to be able to do everything THE BEST...rather, my goal is to accept what I can do and be proud of that and I'm not quite there yet. I'm constantly judging myself and getting down on myself for what I struggle to do rather than being proud of what I struggle THROUGH and get DONE. Perhaps I should see a sports therapist or someone who can help me through my workouts.
Bottom line...this journey is just that, a journey. But certainly one that I'm dedicated to and know that I will be better for it in the end.