Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Brain Mush. Has. Set in.

I've been completely dedicated to trying to learn as much as I can with my new job-- and in return my brain has been unable to think clearly about anything else. I've been obsessed with sleep-- can't get up in the morning-- it's been bad.

At work I've been dedicated, clear minded and on top of things-- but outside of work it's like I'm walking through a daze.

My food hasn't been bad-- and my water intake has been good-- and little to no wine/drinks-- but the thought of working out seems like an impossible scenario that will never happen again. How in the world did I got to 6 days a week-- in a routine-- to not quite knowing how I would drive my car to the gym?

There's even a gym at my new office-- it's very nice. I'm so conflicted I can't make a plan. So...I was googling "how to get out of a funk" and it said that it would help to journal or write things down-- so here we are. I know I can't solve all of this in one day but here are my plans:

Monday- Tomorrow morning I'm working out with Jess at 6:45 am. That's a good start. During the day I'm going to stop by the gym at work and see about my free one month trial membership.

Tuesday- Morning-- go to the gym at work. 7:00am

Wednesday- PM-- 6:30pm-- Energy Lab (bike class)

Thursday- Break

Friday AM - 7:00 go to the gym at work.

If I can do this above I'll be 100% better than I am right now-- hell-- if I can just get up in the morning and workout I'll be way better than I am now.

Ch ch changes.....

So much stuff going on...and lots of working out which is great! I'm on day 53 of the 90 day challenge-- I've repeated a few weeks now-- should be a bit further down the road. But due to traveling and strep throat nastiness it hasn't been as seamless as I had wished. That being said-- I'm almost done with Phase 2. I feel (and am) so much stronger. When I started this fun weightlifting based workout thing I was doing chest fly's with 5lbs weights....now 15. I was doing all shoulder work with 5-10 lbs..now...10-15lbs. I should be able to move up to 20lbs dumbbells next week for some chest and bicep work-- I feel super comfortable in the gym. But...I'm not losing weight. Because I didn't measure myself before I started I'm not sure about inches but am pretty positive that I have slimmed down around my butt and my arms--I can feel it in my clothes.

I also haven't been eating per the plan--- huge surprise I'm sure. BUT....here's where the ch ch changes come in.

Starting next week I'll be working at Turner-- and my travel will reduce considerably. This will allow me to get in much more of a routine in Atlanta-- allow me to cook at home much more-- and make my trips to Whole Foods and Kroger much more consistent that my stops by Arby's on I-24.

More vegetables. More protein. Less cheese.

I've decided I won't do another triathlon until I'm at 190 or less....it's just not a good idea. I need to be stronger, quicker and leaner.

So I got sick.

Last week I started with a tickle in the back of my throat.....no jokes please. I had some pretty intense meetings and a travel schedule that didn't help and by Friday I felt BAD. Achy, throat, headache, yuk. I went home and straight to bed. On Saturday I headed straight to the Urgent Care-- and they told me I had Strep. So I headed straight to pharm and long story short-- spent the last 2 days thinking death was near. Last night my fever reached 104-- I don't think it's EVER been that high. Maybe when I was a baby but that doesn't count. Point being-- today starts Phase 2. However, I'm resting nicely on my couch.
I certainly will not be working out today. I can't imagine working out tomorrow either-- this bitch of a strep throat has really taken it's toll on me. I'm nervous. Hopefully I'll be able to get back in it mid week and keep the party going.

Day 25...almost through Phase 1

Hey everyone-- tomorrow will be DAY 25-- almost through phase 1 (day 26 is last workout in phase 1)-- and I'm feeling great. It's funny that when I heard there was no cardio in Phase I-- I completely freaked out. But...it turns out that I've really loved being a weight rat at the gym. I know may way around that place now...using the benches with the big boys...and have steadily increased my weights. I also think (code word, think) my body is changing. I'm pretty positive my legs are-- and now I'm killing myself for not weighing/measuring before I started-- but I've decided to use the towel test.

PS-- that's not me in the picture (shocking). that's Jamie Eason. And she's a badass.


You see...my normal bath towels don't wrap all the way around my hips/ass....but I think they are getting closer to doing so....goal for the end of the challenge-- 100% towel wrap.

Next week we will add moderate cardio in 4 days per week-- I'll keep lifting 6 days a week and we go to only 1 rest day....I'm NOT thrilled about only 1 rest day but it's all I was taking when I was training for my last race so I guess I got spoiled.

In the last Phase-- 3-- we do 5 days of high intensity cardio and 6 days of lifting per week. WOWZA.

The good news is that I'm almost done with the first phase and I've managed to keep at it after mostly being on the road. My next big challenge will be figuring out how I'm going to handle Bonnaroo-- 5 days of living on a farm-- definitely no gym on the farm. Can def get cardio in but the weights will be a challenge.

This is how we do it....

To say I'm tired is an understatement. 3 weeks ago I started Jamie Eason's Live Fit program....and in those three weeks I've traveled to New Orleans, worked and attended Shaky Knees Fest, worked 7 days at Hangout Fest and traveled back to New Orleans. In 3 weeks. I'm exhausted. BUT...I'm loving the program. I haven't been nearly as good with the food as I should have (shocker) but I've gotten all of the workouts in and I feel stronger already. Next week is the last week in the first phase and then we go to phase 2 which introduces cardio and limits carbs even more. Yikes.

The good news is that I have the next 3 days off and have very few plans...mostly to eat well, take my well deserved rest days, and to get back to the gym on Monday. I'm also not traveling, per se, until June 4th....Hallelujah. Right now I'm in Nashville for 5 days or so but that doesn't really count as traveling since I have my own bed, a kitchen, my car, etc.

Consistently the chest workouts are the worst-- I suppose you don't understand how much you NEVER work out your chest muscles in real life. The most recent reiteration of the leg workouts are horrible-- she added dead lifts which have always made me SUPER sore. I can also tell my posture is getting better.

Alright...enough enough. Off to bed.

Day 1 of 12 weeks

One of my dear friends and co-workers Billie decided that she was going to get her body looking super fit and she wanted to do a 12 week program that involved serious weight lifting, a clean eating plan and then some cardio towards the end.

It's called the Live Fit plan by this crazy healthy ladie Jamie Eason: http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-easons-livefit-phase-1.html

It took me some time to figure out if I was ready to dedicate the time & energy-- and WILL POWER to give this a try-- but I decided after some thought that I was going to give it a try.

Today was day 1-- chest and tricep day. I did the workout in about 35 minutes or so and I immediately felt it. I was able to eat clean today as well-- and I went proper grocery shopping for the first time in months.

I'll be in Atlanta for 7 days now-- although 3 of those are a music festival and I have a good friend coming to visit so I'm going to do the food as best I can.

The Day I Almost Finished Dead Last

Today was not my best showing. In fact-- it was bad. On a couple of levels. Training leading up has been good to decent. I've been in the pool every week-- comfortably swimming, running a few times a week and feeling pretty OK, and I've been riding my trainer and struggling a bit. But...I had been training.

I have also been working about 90 hours a week for the last month or so. It's caught up to me to say the least and I've been having mild panic attacks for the past few weeks in a variety of situations--- on phone calls, walking through the airports, etc. When I have these attacks I get quite dizzy, lose feeling in my legs-- similar to the feeling of being given gas at the dentist.

This morning I got to the race early-- got checked in-- chatted with Christina and prepared my transition area. My wetsuit seemed a bit more tight around the neck than the last time I wore it (more on that later) but I got in the water for some warm up swimming. I felt good. Stroke felt good, breath felt good, pull felt good-- head position-- all was working. I was racing in the Athena category and we were 2nd to last wave to go out.

As soon as I started swimming-- and I mean as soon-- panic attack. I was dogging paddling before yard 25. No joke, I was completely taken aback. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swim-- I was just treading water. And it didn't get better. For 600 yards I somehow got myself around that damn lake. Pulling at my aforementioned wetsuit collar, trying not to cry and ask for help. 22 minutes by my watch later-- I was out. The goal was 15-16. Clearly it was not going to be my day.

I walked the transition. I've never walked a transition before. I had to calm down.

Then on to the bike. Legs were gone. All that treading water had just fucked my legs. Here's where it gets worse. Around mile 8 or so of rolling hills which turns out, I really don't care for, I start to ride by the prettiest site I've ever seen and I kid you not, a piece of land that I've dreamed about my whole life. A big ranch style house sitting on acres upon acres of yellow wild flowers.

What happened next? Another panic attack. Off the bike. Tears. Walking. Just horrible. Finished the bike in 1:02. My last race: 38 minutes. Definitely different courses but looking at everyone else's time-- I should have been at about 48-50 minutes.

Coming off the bike I was pretty sure I was done for the day. But I put on my shoes and housed a banana and set off reluctantly. Then I saw Ashley cheering me on and she convinced me to at least give the run a try. Calf cramps set in almost immediately as they tend to do and they didn't go away until mile 2. I mostly walked and ran and NO SHIT I truly thought I was going to be the very last person to finish the race. When I made the turn to head back to the finish line I saw a few folks still behind me. Around mile 3 Christina showed up with her awesome smile and cow bell and ran it in with me.

After seeing the course and knowing how I trained I should have finished the course in 1:51. But nope...2:20. Slower than my first tri ever-- that I did on a mountain bike.

Now to the funny part. Only 2 people raced in the Athena category-- so technically I made the podium. Hilarity. Had I raced a 1:51 I would have won with flying colors.

My dad offered wise words that it was "impressive I could finish a triathlon while having 2 panic attacks" and he's right actually. I am proud for finishing but I'm not happy at all about the stress that I'm working under and that I'm levying on myself. Definitely will be calling the doctor on Monday to try and find some relief and hope that I get it figured out.

I'm not going to stop swimming, running and biking. But I don't have my next race on the books and I'm OK with that. I need to get my head and my body right before I set my sights on my next race.

The journey from sea turtle to dolphin.

I've been struggling the past few weeks on the training. The good news is that I HAVE been training-- the bad news is that I'm not biking or swimming fast. But I am biking and swimming. I've put my bike on a trainer so I can bike more often and then do brick workouts from the house-- but the trainer kicks my ass. I really enjoy the trainer at the Energy Lab but it's not the same in my living room for some reason.

Tonight in the pool I was slow again. I varied between a 2:20 per 100 and 2:50 per 100....that's a pretty big variance. We did the longest set of the year in the pool-- a 500-- the crazy thing-- I nailed it. Never stopped and felt great. I kept telling myself-- swim YOUR 500-- stay calm, stay smooth, work on form and posture, don't let your legs hurt you. The guy that swims in my lane with me has gotten super fast over the past few weeks but I finished RIGHT after him cause he had to stop a few times-- slow and steady baby! The problem....I want to be steady and fast-- or at least fast-ER. I remind myself of the sea turtle I swam with once in Belize....this turtle was smooth in the water, and calm-- but slow..I could keep up with him--I need to be more dolphin-esque.

I spoke with Coach Allison and she wants to push me to figure out what pace I CAN stay at for my race distance- 600-- that allows me to pick up pace but not kill myself before I even get on the bike. I'm going to try and work on that this week in New Orleans-- when I try my hand out at the UNO pool. :)

The day I lost any pride remaining.

I'm tired. I woke up feeling like a truck hit me. Throughout the day my energy level increased and I took my ass to the pool-- cause I love my Monday night swim class.

BUT OH NO.....Tonight we started everyone out of the water-- then we dove in, 2 at a time, completely not warmed up, and snaked 6 lanes-- 300 yards. For the record-- until I've done at least 100 or 200 I swim like a elephant.

A warmup for a beginner is usually 150/200 max (at your own pace and in the beginner lane). Not tonight my friends.

Everyone passed me. EVERYONE. By the time I was done everyone had already cooled down-- and I finished in the SUPER FAST PEOPLE LANE. It was one of the more embarrassing moments I've had recently. One person (one kind person) said-- "way to finish"-- everyone else just looked at me like I was slow.  (I was slow)

I recovered and got back to my lane and started the drills. I was swimming slower than a cat trying not to drown doing my drills and all night basically.

SO THEN THEY CHOSE TONIGHT TO TIME OUR 100. My goal is to be about 2:00/2:10 per 100 for my race in April. Tonight-- 2:37. For the love of all that is holy....such a bad night in the pool. I left feeling pretty defeated.

I swear, it gets worse. So, I had a dinner thing with one of my team members and had to go straight from the pool to pick him up. Putting on real people clothes after a swim is NOT EASY. But I was trying to put on a spandex dress and leggings...while still wet. I GOT STUCK-- AND HAD TO ASK THE FAST SKINNY GIRLS TO UNTANGLE ME. If I had any pride left if my body-- it's all gone, every single ounce of it. What a day....glad it's over.

I'm gonna wear a onesie.....

So, finding the perfect Tri Kit is super hard. Especially when your top is smaller than your bottom-- it can be hard to find a top that stays put over your bum.

For the past few races I've been fidgeting with my top too much cause it sometimes rides up a bit BUT NO LONGER. Today when I was at my favorite gear shop, Podium Multisport, http://podiumms.com/, my buddy Andy recommended I try on the singlet--- NO WAY, I thought.

It's tough for bigger ladies to look good in any tri gear-- BUT A ONSIE? No way jose.

Well-- he kept persisting that I would like it as I wouldn't have anything to fool around with-- so I tried it on. HOLY SHIT YALL-- WHY HAVEN'T I BOUGHT THIS BEFORE? And it's all black...what?? I cannot wait to race in this bad boy-- built in bra, and a size Large. Not XL. Just Large. It has tons of compression so hopefully there's not too much jiggly going on-- we shall see on race day for sure. WOOHOO!

Also, I'm going on my first group ride with ATC on Sunday-- I'm super nervous but there are 4 groups, 20-22 MPH, 17-19 MPH, 15-17 MPH, and below 15 MPH. My last race I rode about 18 on a flat course-- which is the 2ND TO FASTEST GROUP, what??? They say to join the group that is the one above of what you're riding so you can push yourself and fall back if you need....since it's my first ride, I'm going to ride with the 17-19 group and take it from there.

Off to the pool I go....LESS THAN A MONTH. (And I ran 4 times last week/BOOM!)

Couch to 5k....again.

I've been a runner.

I mean, when I was a kid, I could run forever-- and fast. In high school I was running a 6 minute mile on a regular basis. I never had to think about my breathing, my legs, anything-- it was no different than walking down the block.

When I was right out of college I could knock out 3-4 miles at a decent pace, 9/10 minute miles.

When I was 25 or so I ran my first half marathon. That-- was hard. I had ankle surgery 3 days later.

Since that time, running hasn't been easy. I've done a few 10k's, another half, and 4-5 5K's, and 2 sprint tri's-- all of which I've pretty much detested the running portion.

So, I decided to do what other people do-- teach myself how to run again. I looked up the Couch to 5K program and I started. I'm 2 weeks in (run 90 seconds, walk 2 minutes). Tomorrow will be my first run of the next portion- (run 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, run 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes). No joke, I think it's working.

I have made one concious change-- I'm running without music. In the past I've gotten so caught up about the perfect song playing at the exact moment I needed it that I knew I was crippling myself. I want to enjoy running again. I don't want cords all over the place getting in the way-- me thinking about how the beat to the song isn't working with my stride-- non of the bullshit. Just me, my 2 feet and a bottle of water.

Maybe, when I'm a "runner" again-- I'll get to play with toys and such but now, I just have to focus on one thing. Run for 90 seconds, walk for 90 seconds, run for 3 minutes, walk for 3 minutes-- rinse and repeat.

Going for the podium.

I have my next Tri in one month- April 26th. The past few weeks have been good-- riding the bike, in the pool and trying to run. 2 bricks in the books in the past week. I'm still not running well-- and I'm really not running well after my bike (calf cramps) BUT-- I'm doing it.

Turns out the last tri I did, I trained horribly for. It turns out that just swimming occasionally and going for bike rides does NOT equal race day preparation. If I want to do well/better then I have to do the following:

1. Swim every week-- doing drills and some for distance. Every time I swim I need to be conscious of form and the strength behind my pull. And my kick-- it doesn't need to help me that much but I have to keep my feet/legs level so it doesn't HURT me.
2. Bike like I'm racing. Going for a stroll does me little good other than saddle time, which is important but more important will be really pushing myself on the bike.
3. Running. Yes, it turns out that I can't just swim and bike and think that I'll be able to run. That is unfortunately NOT how it works. (although I had absolutely convinced myself of that).
4. Doing brick workouts. THIS is NOT optional (I had also convinced myself it was) if I want to be able to finish strong-- even if it's just a sprint. Working 2 disciplines back to back isn't easy. It's even harder on race day with everything else going on.

I've set a pretty lofty goal for this race. I want to podium for the Athena category and I'm shooting for a time of 1:38-- with all things being equal to last year that would put me in good shape-- but you never know who will be there. It also looks like the bike times were pretty slow last year-- must slower on average than my Naples race. I also, however, know that I'm going to kick my swim time in high gear-- hoping to get out of the water in 14 minutes.

But all in all--I'm hoping for a fun race and experience.

Are sober people boring?

I was privy to my first hangover in months on Wednesday of this past week after a fun night out with colleagues in a snowy Asheville. The good thing? It's been months since I drank enough or an odd enough mixture to get a hangover. The other good thing? I don't want to ever have that feeling again. So, I've made an odd decision. To stay hangover free for the rest of my life. OK, well...most of it. I'm NOT going to stop drinking wine & yummy beer or bloody mary's BUT I'm going to continue to reign it in even more. It's the right decision financial. It's the right decision for health reasons and it's the right decision mentally. Don't you love it when it works out that way?

The question becomes "are sober people boring"? 

I know a few people that choose not to drink at all-- and they are actually some of the kindest and most fun people I know. I'll take heed from their example and see how it goes. Wish me luck. 

Tri the Parks

I've gone ahead and done it. Registered for my third triathlon today.

April 26th-- John Tanner Sprint Tri-- part of the Tri the Parks series

I'm super excited to be doing my third race and am hoping to be competitive in the Athena category. I've been working on my swim, bike and run and plan to be more prepared than any other race.

Goal times:

Swim 600 meters: 15 minutes
Transition: 4 min
Bike 13.8 miles: 45 minutes
Transition: 4 min
Run: 36 min
1 Hour 44 minutes

Today I did my first brick workout in a LONG TIME. No wonder I struggled with the run in Naples...that shit is hard.

My focus between now-race will be the run & swim. I know I can bike well and will continue to build those muscles-- but I must get better on the run and the swim.

GO TRAINING GO!

Intro to Hip Hop

I haven't taken a single dance class since I moved to Atlanta. There I said it.

Until tonight.

No joke, one of the best dance studios in the city is .5 miles from my house. But, mostly I'm out of town on Tuesday's when the Hip Hop for Beginners class takes place. (excuses, excuses). But not today.

I took my overweight white girl ass to Dance 411 and walked into a class that was NOT a beginner class. For the record, I shouldn't be taking actual beginner classes as I've been dancing my whole life- BUT-- i'm rusty-- so I thought, beginner class is where I should start. IF THIS IS THE BEGINNER CLASS THEN I DARE NOT EVER TAKE ANOTHER LEVEL. No joke, I'm pretty sure Janet Jackson's sister was in the class as was Usher's cousin and Britney Spears' look alike was also right up front.

I want to be clear of what I looked like vs. what EVERYONE else looked like.

Me:

Everyone else: 

But-- it was so much fun. We learned a routine to Burn (Ellie Goulding) and the choreography was awesome. I loved the teacher and everyone was kind AND SO GOOD. Just like my swim coach said yesterday-- you have to be in the pool more than once a week. Well, I have to dance at least once a week to not feel like an idiot. And I need to get some cooler dance clothes--- Britney was dancing in a flannel shirt, blonde hair down, bedazzled boots and bright red lipstick. WTF. 

Swima Bika Runna

I feel like today I went back to my first sorority pledge night but actually I was going to my first Atlanta Triathlon Club training session. It was similar except for back then I was in great shape and had tons of self confidence. Clearly, I was nervous and I almost didn't go at all...but something made me get in the car and drive-- to Washington Park pool. AND IT WAS AWESOME.

I followed 2 people in with Ironman bags...so clearly, I was in the right place. I immediately introduced myself, told them I was a newbie and asked them where to go. Everyone was so kind. I plopped myself in the "beginners" lane and started following the instructions of coach Chris. No joke-- had I joined ATC just 2 months sooner I would have been prepared for the Olympic. It was that beneficial.

So, on to the other news. I know I've been gaining weight. I can tell, I can feel it-- I just know it. I've been a big pussy about getting on the scale but tonight after swim practice I felt so good and had enough confidence to face my situation. I was right. I've gained quite a bit of weight back. BUT. I'm in the best shape of the past 5 or so years-- and I know that I can lose the weight. But I have to stay with it. AND KEEP IT OFF. I'll properly weigh tomorrow AM so i'm comparing it to my other weigh ins.

More vegetables. Less pasta and grits. More water. Less beer.

Life Lessons....2nd Tri.

So this past Thursday I headed to Naples, FL with my buddy Christina to compete in my 2nd triathlon and her 5th (or so). She was competing in the half iron (and won her age group, BTW....huge props) and I was planning to compete in my first Olympic Distance.

Back in September I did my first triathlon-- a sprint distance and had a blast. I competed on a mountain bike and did it for the experience. This time I came more prepared in terms of gear but less prepared in terms of proper training. After doing my first ocean swim (ever) on Friday I decided that I wasn't quite ready or trained properly for the Olympic Distance and decided to drop down to the Sprint-- although this specific race had a swim that was double my first race.


Friday and Saturday the ocean had been smooth and easy but when we arrived to the beach this morning the breakers were huge and the sea looked plain mad. Turned out it was. The men set off first at 7:00 and we followed about 3:00 minutes after. It was a shit show to say the least. Doggy paddling, back stroking, breast stroking-- very few people got into any type of rhthym-- the waves were just too much. Left and right there were swimmers calling for help from the lifeguards and about the time I got to the last buoy the kayakers right in front of me were franticly blowing their whistles, flailing their paddles and doing their best to get the attention of the paramedic boat. They had pulled a man out of the water and had started CPR on him. He wasn't responding. Everyone in the water was so confused, not sure how we could help or if we should just stop racing. We all eventually forged on-- knowing we could do nothing to help and would just be in the way. I was oddly comfortable in the water-- it reminded me of when my mom and grandmother used to go to the beach and "ride the waves" as they would call it. I'll never forget those beach trips and how tickled they would get when the waves would come.

My goal that I knew was easily do-able for the swim was 21 minutes-- I got out in 24. Considering that I stopped multiple times to help folks and we all stopped for a bit when the racer was pulled out-- I'm fine with the time. My previous race was 16 minutes for 400 meters-- a huge improvement considering this was 700 meters.

Then I transitioned (pretty well) to the bike and headed out. I knew my bike would be my strongest leg and it was--- I picked off about 20 people on the bike and ended up finishing in 40 minutes-- about 18.5MPH which is fast for me. Considering my gears weren't working like they should I'm thrilled with my bike time. My previous race bike time was 1:08-- that's a 28 minute PR-- insane. However....

I pushed so hard on the bike that by the time I got to the run my legs were done. Also, it was here that I realized my lack of proper training really showed its ugly face. Triathletes train on each discipline separately but also do what we call "brick" workouts. This means working 2 disciplines in one day-- for example-- you go for a long bike ride and then a run. Or a swim and a bike ride. Or a run and a swim-- you get the point. The reason for the "bricks" is to get your muscles used to the transition between disciplines. Between my last race and this race I did 0 bricks. Pretty much a horrible idea. 41.04 was my run time-- a snail could have possibly passed me--I ran faster my previous race.

Total time with transitions: 1:53. If I had run and swam the way I should have-- I would have finished in 1:44-- a podium for the athena category. But I didn't. And that's Ok. (Previous race 2:07 w/ a shorter swim)

During the 9 hour drive home I spent a good amount of time thinking about if I have the ability to focus completely on "my race" and block out everything/everyone else. Do I? Yes. Do I want to? I don't think so. I can't imagine not stopping to help someone in the water, providing comedic relief for those on the bike and singing Kesha for the awesome dude that ran with me at the end. In the end life is about the people that you meet and enjoy along the way. I learned a few hours after the race ended that the man in the water was not revived...he had a heart attack while swimming. http://www.marconews.com/news/2014/jan/12/man-dies-cardiac-arrest-naples-triathlon/
Life has funny ways of constantly reminding you how short but yet amazing it can be. I swam in the ocean today as the sun was rising. I pushed myself to my limits. But yet I remain so humble and grateful for everything that I have-- most importantly the ability to smile, laugh, and love.